I got my ADHD workbook in the mail finally. It's supposed to help you understand your ADHD brain so you can get more done. I just read the intro. It has some good diagrams. Zzzz. Haha. Anyhow, it's cool, because it says you can jump all around in the book, and still get something out of it. This is good. I love to read, but it's sometimes very difficult for me to focus long enough to finish reading a page before I want to skip to the next. I often will skip like 20 pages in the middle of a book if it starts to fail to hold my attention. I hate that my brain always wants to read the ending of the book while I'm trying to finish the rest of it.
Needless to say, I had a really tough time waiting for Minnie to get around to telling us the terrible bad thing she'd done to Miss Hilly in The Help.
So, here I am, just got this new book...and haven't even got to chapter 1, and I'm already doing other things. D'oh.

Multiveggie Beef Strip Stir-fry with Sweet Potato Tots

My grandmother and I stayed up until 4 this am sussing through stuff she brought up that had been stored at her house. She's so funny. She hates to through away things, so she brings a box of crap that I left in one of the bathrooms years ago. She kept saying, "I know you're probably just going to want to throw away some of this stuff, but I didn't want to be the one to throw it away." I love her, she's so spry at 75. It wore me out trying to keep up with her. I hope it keeps her young and she's with me at least 20 more years. She always talks about how she's going to live to be very old so she can continue to harass me. Anyhow, I'm soooo tired tonight that if we weren't on such a tight budget, I probably would have gotten take out of some sort.

I knew that wasn't a possibility. We needed a meal, and I needed to balance cooking with my lack of many spoons. http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

We had taken a pack of fajita skirt strips out to thaw before we left for the day, and they were perfectly thawed when we got home. So, I poked around the fridge to see what we had that didn't need a lot of processing and found: frozen broccoli, can of cut asparagus, can of cut baby corn, can of pineapples, and box of fresh baby spinach. I used peanut oil and gluten-free tamari soy sauce by San-J as the stir-fry base and seasoned the beef with cumin, thyme, garlic powder and sea salt.

So, I browned the beef strips, and removed them from the wok and set to the side. And put the sweet potato tots in to bake.

Next, I added the 1lb package of broccoli, and once that had begun to cook down, I added the pineapple, and about a 1/8c each of ginger beer and pineapple juice. After a few minutes, I added the corn, and a splash more of oil and tamari. Then, I added the asparagus. I turned the burner up to high then because I had too much liquid in the wok. Although, I think if I wanted to make a soup, this would've been a great start. As an afterthought to soak up the liquid, I added the baby spinach.

I let this cook on high (gas flame high) until the sweet potato tots were almost down before I turned off the heat.

The tots took a little longer to cook, and I think I would put them in first next time, and probably cook longer than I did tonight. They had started to get crisp and were so sweet they really tasted like donuts.

The stir-fry was a success. Peanut oil is amazing, because it is full of good fats, AND it doesn't absorb the flavor of other foods, so the pineapple tastes like pineapple, the broccoli tastes like broccoli and the spinach tastes like spinach, etc. So, you can throw in pretty much any kind of veggies and fruits together and the flavors don't get muddled. ALSO, I just read that peanut oil contains resveratrol the stuff that's in grapes and red wine that's supposed to lower your risk of cardiovascular disease and cancer.  I'm constantly amazed at the delicious nutritious meals I can make in ONE pan.

This was a completely gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free meal and could be made vegan by cutting out the beef or nut free by switching to olive oil.

Untitled poem.

I wrote this in 2006. It had been about 22 months since my biological father died of an overdose of oxycontin, 21 months since my paternal grandmother died of natural causes, 18 months since one of my oldest and dearest friends succumbed to AIDS-related illness and 17 and 1/2 months since my great-grandmother passed away. I had been through 3 moves. Floating homeless and sleeping in my car. And then finally landed in Austin, and was in my third residence in the city.  

I am self-absorbed.
I am an introvert.
Gotta stay on my tiptoes.
Wary of the eggshells...
always...
Wary of the eggshells.

I've had vacations.
Tropical paradise.
Floating in the water,
on hot, summer nights.

Flip. Switch. Back.

All the things I've left undone.
All the things I can't remember.
All the things I want to forget...
taking turn to ridicule.
My back against the brick at recess.
The stares.
The names.

They say to laugh it off...
(because it's oh so funny).
They tell you it will stop if you ignore...
(and it hurts so much, that for a time you believe with all your heart).

But, it never stops.

You grow older,
and you are still on the outside...
peekin' in.

Survival is-
juggling flaming torches
on a unicycle...
balanced on a tightrope
above a shark tank-
whistling Dixie.

I lost this blog in September, when my life became Occupied. It was by accident that I found it, but it puts to rest that occasional nagging in the back of mind.

 "Where the hell did I create that blog? What did I call it? What email address did I use? Why the fuck can't I remember such a simple damn thing?" 


If I didn't have so many genuine excuses, it would be a lot easier to get down on myself for such things.

At age 33, I finally have the diagnosis of Attention Defecit Hyperactivity Disorder (inattentive-type), and am being treated with medication. I find I am capable of accomplishing more than I ever expected. My critical mind no longer need be helium-floated up and bouncing from cloud to cloud, tethered to my body with curly, plastic ribbon. I have access to multiple recesses at once, from which to pull complex solutions and creative ideas.

This surpasses the norm of staying on task.

FOCUS DISTRACTS ME.

From pain that constantly haunts my body.

FOCUS DISTRACTS ME.

From anxiety that used to be paralyzing.

I may never be a social creature, but I can be a successful butterfly.

My little sister is pregnant. She's is due mid-late December. She lives 1,000+ miles away. I think I've done my best since I found out about this, to keep cheery, and push it from my mind. I'm happy for her. I'm excited about being an aunt. However, if I dwell to long, there is this overwhelming sadness that starts to creep in. I did not plan for things to go this way. I'm the big sister, and I want to be there for all the pregnancy milestones. I want to go to the doctor with her, and watch the sonogram in person. I want to go with her when she fills up her Target treasury with baby stuff. I want to pat her tummy and talk to it, and feel the baby kick. I feel like these are things that are SUPPOSED to happen. Yet, because of distance, I don't get to do any of that.

Sometimes, a Single Sentence Will Do

And so, that may be all you find in some of my blogs. I have started these things in the past, focusing on one element, and I never follow through. I'm too complex. I have varied interests, and my deficient attention span will not allow continued focus. There's always something new and shiny. Illness also plays a part, as fatique drains the brain power, and pain cramps my style. I decided that I'd put down whatever is digging at me at the moment, as often as possible. As was the case yesterday, when I was trying to create this blog, only one sentence was floating around in my head, all day long:

"She smelled of sweat and unsloughed dead skin cells."

There you have it, my first blog entry of 2011.

Welcome.