My little sister is pregnant. She's is due mid-late December. She lives 1,000+ miles away. I think I've done my best since I found out about this, to keep cheery, and push it from my mind. I'm happy for her. I'm excited about being an aunt. However, if I dwell to long, there is this overwhelming sadness that starts to creep in. I did not plan for things to go this way. I'm the big sister, and I want to be there for all the pregnancy milestones. I want to go to the doctor with her, and watch the sonogram in person. I want to go with her when she fills up her Target treasury with baby stuff. I want to pat her tummy and talk to it, and feel the baby kick. I feel like these are things that are SUPPOSED to happen. Yet, because of distance, I don't get to do any of that.

Sometimes, a Single Sentence Will Do

And so, that may be all you find in some of my blogs. I have started these things in the past, focusing on one element, and I never follow through. I'm too complex. I have varied interests, and my deficient attention span will not allow continued focus. There's always something new and shiny. Illness also plays a part, as fatique drains the brain power, and pain cramps my style. I decided that I'd put down whatever is digging at me at the moment, as often as possible. As was the case yesterday, when I was trying to create this blog, only one sentence was floating around in my head, all day long:

"She smelled of sweat and unsloughed dead skin cells."

There you have it, my first blog entry of 2011.

Welcome.